Mr. T

Our avid blog readers already know that we went to the Cubs game on Memorial Day. Unfortunately it was freezing and the Cubs lost. Luckily there was a saving grace - Mr. mo-freakin’ T! He was invited to throw the first pitch then led the crowd in singing “Take me out to the ball game…..” in the 7th inning. Quality!

I love Mr. T! I love him so much that I wish he would have kicked Rocky’s @ss, and I’m a big Rocky fan! Needless to say, I went to bed with a smile on my face that night.

Meg mentioned that I had a funny story from the game. Well, I don’t. I almost had a funny story to tell – but luckily there was a big black security guard that made me think twice about something I was contemplating.

First, I should give a little background to those of you who don’t know me well – those who do can skip to the next paragraph. For some unknown reason I find not only humor, but actual joy in making people uncomfortable. Nothing too crazy, just little things like bumping into somebody in the locker room when I’m naked…..sometimes more than once. Friends most likely have experienced this. Thanks to the creepy factor, family members probably have not. Now that you know this about me you can read on.

The men’s restrooms at Wrigley Field have trough urinals. I have provided a picture for those who don’t know what those are.

Now these toilets do not reflect the setup of what is found at Wrigley Field. There you have troughs facing each other with a 4 foot barrier wall in between. At the tip of the troughs is another round trough. I commissioned a highly regarded artist to create the following diagram, which will give you an idea of the layout.

---Toliet--- l---\

======= l---- <---sink

---Toliet--- l---/

It is important to note that the round trough, which is the sink, is an exact replica of the toilets with the exception of the round shape. It is the same height and color. In order to turn the water on there is a foot pedal which confuses most. Note that I was unaware this trough was the sink, not a toilet.

Well when I walked into the bathroom I noticed groups of people on both side troughs but nobody at the round one at the point. I figured nobody was peeing there because they didn’t want everybody walking away from the urinals to get a first hand visual of their manhood. Perfect I thought, first Mr. T now this! I could capitalize on making a large group of people uncomfortable with one act! All I had to do was pee in the vacant trough and try to make eye contact with everybody that passed. I approached the rounded trough and started to unzip my pants. As I was doing so I noticed Wrigley Field had stationed a security guard in the bathroom, a security guard that was big, black, and standing really close to me. I looked back and he gave me a funny look. I quickly side stepped to one of the side troughs and relieved myself there. In my mind I felt a feeling of defeat. Why did I allow somebody else to make me feel awkward in my attempt to do the same to others? Why should he care where I peed? So I finished my business and was off to wash my hands – but I couldn’t find a sink. It was then that I noticed somebody washing their hands in the toilet.….WTF? Immediately I realized why the security guard was eyeballing me, this trough was not a toilet – it was the sink!

That day I was grateful to learn that not only do I have a guardian angel who wants to keep me from doing stupid things, but he’s big and black!